Daily self-portraits (where they started and where they are going)

Hi loves,

This is my first post aimed directly at my dear Self-Portrait Pals, a new tier I created on Patreon for those of you who enjoy to follow not only my Fantasy/Kid lit illustration adventures but know and appreciate my daily self-portrait practice. This post will be accessible to all members, but the next posts won't be!

In this regard, I have created a Youtube playlist with all my self-portrait related videos : find it here.

I feel like I talk about this practice all the time... And like I am just going on and on and on about the same thing. But maybe that is somewhat interesting to you?

1. The Genesis of this adventure (the first sketchbook)

It all started when French artist Magali Cazo hosetd a challenge called "Miroir Miroirs" on Instagram. It lasted three months, from 17 DEC 2023 to 17 MAR 2024. I started and never stopped.

At the time, I was trying to turn my life around and to start drawing again and also to nurture my relationship with myself and my identity. I was truly, without going into too much detail, at a time in my life I didn't know who I was anymore and I hadn't drawn in a long while, I thought that any drawing challenge might help me with rekindling my love for drawing that had been such an intrinsic part of my identity for so long.

I started really small, very timid. I remember feeling such pressure for each drawing to be good, but I felt like I didn't know how to draw anymore.

At the start, I would do my self-portraits whenever - there was no dedicated time in the day for them and I usually did them when I got home from work or at some point during the day when I felt like it.

It took me some time to find a groove, to start having some fun. I remember it happening when I realized that the rules I was following were absolutely made up and that I could just follow what my intuition told me was fun at the moment. So I started adding colors, patterns, and I felt like the adventure was truly beginning by then. finally

I moved into the rest of the sketchbook with way more ease and looseness, I was still quite reluctant to use "art supplies" and was moving more towards smaller, safer mediums, like simple stationery items (pens, pencils). I did explore a lot though.

I remember fondly realizing that I did not have to do a "full portrait" every time. This is the first real exploration I did of communication between the pages and I think it is quite cool still. ( I used a posca pen for these two self-portraits)

1. My second self-portrait sketchbook : ritualising the process

Finishing the first sketchbook, I knew I wanted a dedicated time and space for this new habit that I was building. Coincidentally, I was also in the process of using all of the sketchbooks that I had been hoarding and so I noticed this very tiny, very cheap sketchbook that my sister got me as part of a Christmas stocking/filler. It was cute but the paper was cheap and I didn't know what to do with it. The format was so small.

Somehow, this turned out to be one of my favourite sketchbooks ever. The format was so nice to bring about everywhere and by the time I got back to daily self-portrait drawing it was a time of travels (I went to Poland, to London...) -

Drawing this small was freeing. It was actually key in building a very strong habit - because each portrait was like a small win in my day - it usually took me about five to ten minutes still, which was very doable.

I enjoyed carrying this very tiny sketchbook and drawing with a simple BIC ballpoint pen, and then coloring in. It left me space to explore expressions, and move for the first time from a simple facing angle with neutral face to more fun expressions.

I also allowed myself to sometimes use watercolors, that I was very curious about but still very shy to use. But I think the most precious thing I learnt in this sketchbook was that it was okay (and would actually be fun) to try to draw different faces and not just my "pretty" and neutral face.

1. The third sketchbook : Royal talens Art creation (my first encounter with resistance)

By the third sketchbook, I had just come back home from Poland and meeting my new best friend Werka (go check out her art) had me on a freaking HIGH. I felt full of love and absolutely invincible, creatively bursting through the seams with ideas...

Inspired by seeing her more painterly universe, I allowed myself to use the little charcoal watercolor paste she had gifted me to paint bigger, more time-consuming pieces, and discovered that I was so in love with painting light and shadows and adding textures to my works.

I managed to keep this up for a while even when I started to get tired, but at some point I hit a nerve. It was the first time I felt like I had done it all, seen it all, and I just didn't want to draw my face anymore.

I PUSHED THROUGH.

but very gently.

I allowed myself to do scribbly, ugly, very simple self-portraits.

And slowly, I felt the spark again. By switching mediums. Tombow markers; they sang to me and said "why not add some colours today?". I answered : alright.

After pushing through this wave of resistance I did some of my most creative, most colorful self-portraits to date. I am still thoroughly in love with these very illustrative pieces.

1. The Onion Skin Journal and working with transparent paper

I finished my Art creation sketchbook and didn't have a dedicated self-portrait sketchbook anymore. So I decided to use my Onion Skin Journal - unbeknownst to me that I would COMPLETELY FALL IN LOVE with how the paper complimented my sketches.

There is something absolutely magical about seeing through the paper a kind of lasagna of faces (very poetic I know) _ it's like a conversation... a magical, truly ridiculous conversation of my faces - it almost feels schizophrenic at times but boy how fun it is to cultivate this practice!

I also wanted to touch on the absolute weirdness and ebb and flow of a daily drawing practice. Progress isn't linear, and sometimes by changing my habit a little bit (not wearing my typical glasses, for instance), I found myself completely unable to get a likeness, or proportions correct. It happens. I didn't let myself get discouraged. I had fallen in love with the practice so much at this point that I didn't let myself get down just because of one "failed" result.

Onwards!

At this point I just kind of used the same process daily - start with drawing my glasses - underdrawing with Tombow markers and then colour in with pencils. Very satisfying.

1. The tragedy of the Fifth sketchbook : going back to plain white paper

I honestly thought I would hate it forever. Going back to thick, smooth-textured paper felt so boring, and like my previous oh-so-loved technique that felt so amazing on my Onion Skin now felt icky and boring.

I persisted. Watercolours was a failure on this paper too. Who could have predicted that WAX PASTELS would become the medium for this sketchbook?

Honestly, not me. But they were just what the doctor ordered : something fun and loose to break the paper and make the practice a game again - a game of chasing shapes and colours and expressions, of focusing on composition and textures... ohhhh the textures...

I deepened my understanding of linework, but also values and contrast in colors with this sketchbook. I had the most fun and learnt LOADS.

I feel like I got faster, looser, more free and also wayyyyy more comfortable. Whatever residue of fear left was loooong gone by then. I knew how to have fun, how to play - and that is the ultimate trick: to do what feels fun.

1. A new chapter : my new Onion skin Journal

As I write these lines, I am two weeks into a new OSJ entirely dedicated to self-portraits. How fun to go back to this exquisite paper and move into it with my new set of skills.

Just for the fun of it, I want to show you again the first self-portrait I made when I started this challenge two years ago and then one of the last ones I did, just to compare :

the first self-portrait / stuck up and scrawny

one of my latest self-portraits - loose, big, confident, colorful, smooth and very expressive

I think the comparison speaks for itself. Just see the difference - how much more self-confident I am, how much more precise, intentional, how much more fun I have. All thid shows, I think, and motivates me to go further and keep exploring.

What of my next adventures? When I am done with my OSJ, I would love to explore gouache portraits. Will I make it? Will it be doable daily? God only knows, hang around and find out :)

Thanks for reading this far,

ta

xo